Depression is a state of numbness, isolation, and hopelessness. It’s like being in a parallel universe, de-connected from what you believe is real life. A constant feeling of being out of order; Doomed to play a minor role on the stage of life.
You can see and observe everything from distant; like walking through a glass maze at the funfair. A constant feeling of isolation. Lack of compassion, the inability of others to sense this void, keeps the door shut. Possibly you end up having enough and make an end to your journey. This world has lost so many that way.
If you’re in that case, don’t give up! And read a little more. I’ve been there. I know how you feel and I found a way out.
“There is no point treating a depressed person as though she were just feeling sad, saying, ‘There now, hang on, you’ll get over it.’ Sadness is more or less like a head cold- with patience, it passes. Depression is like cancer.” ― Barbara Kingsolver
Like most of us have grown in a competitive culture; Fighting attitude, holding up a positive mindset while facing one challenge after the other. It’s nearly impossible to understand that “I can’t!” means “I can’t!”. Especially for the easiest things, like looking forward to another day, believing that it will be a better one. No, these times have gone for someone who’s depressed. It simply doesn’t work anymore that way.
In this article, I will show you how to use your depressive state to your advantage and gain insight on how to establish the necessary foundation to heal through change in attitude, perception, mindset and environment.
The healing process starts in the now, like everything else does and always will. The only relevant time is now. To become fully present requires letting go of your past. In order to let go of your past, you need to make peace with it. And to make peace with it, you need to understand your past. That’s where psychotherapy comes in handy, which I recommend opting for if you haven’t already.
My suggestions below, will help you to adopt the right attitude and mindset that ultimately builds the foundation to heal. They will help and even support your psychotherapy if you’re in the process or decide to opt for.
Despite several therapies that have helped me understand my beliefs and make peace with them, with my past, depression kept on coming back. By practicing mindfulness and reconnecting to the present, I was able to take actions that aligned my life with my values and purpose; Purpose I have found as a result of connecting to the essence of life: being alive.
I know you might not be able to believe at the moment, but trust me. You’re worth it! Have faith that you can encounter the most beautiful and wonderful thing in the world, that is YOU.
For the sake of simplicity, I refer to you in my writing. You, who can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
You need to answer yourself 2 questions and take a decision. Do you want to heal? Are you ready to heal?
Over time, this state of hopelessness has built up to a monster. Makes you believe that there’s nothing more for you to expect.
But let me tell you that there is more! And when I say more, I mean less! While becoming less, it ultimately develops in way more than you could have ever imagined;
So far, you probably have tried everything to find ways of fixing yourself. Your inability to perform. Trying to find a solution so that you can function again the way you did once before.
“Question yourself if it isn’t exactly the way you were living and functioning before that has put you into a depressive state?”
Let’s start from a blank page instead of trying to make you fit again into your past story. This doesn’t mean you have to give up everything in your life. Your job, your friends, family, your relationships. Maybe it’s just the way you were living your relationships or your job. Or whatever. The goal of my suggestions is to set you back on a blank page that is YOU. A blank page from where you’ll find everything you need to seed and grow again.
Attitude: Give up the fight and accept the state you’re in!
I know this feels like a punch in your face! But trust me, I mean it sincerely! I’ve been there, and I almost died.
Maybe it’s easier to accept if I tell you: You are not sick! Everything works as expected!
Believe that you’re actually functioning properly! There’s nothing wrong with you. The only thing you’re missing is to listen to your body, who’s trying really hard to get your attention. You can measure the effort on the level of depression you’re in.
“As long as you remain in a fight and coping mode, you cannot be open to what your body is trying to tell you.”
I can’t say it enough since we often misunderstand. Accepting doesn’t mean to be content with it. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with it. Accepting is an attitude that allows to let go of resistance to what happens. And what happens to you right now is being depressed.
It’s as simple as wishing for a yellow car when you got a red one. Of course, this isn’t hurting as being depressed when you don’t want to be, yet the principle is exactly the same. It is what it is. Have a ride despite the color. Accept it to be.
Accepting isn’t easy, especially as long as you can’t get any logical explanation. For instance you will likely not understand immediately what exactly is going wrong. And that’s okay! You don’t have to seek to understand the message of your body.
The message will unveil by itself the more you’re able to let go of your suggesting thoughts, and reconnect to this moment. The essence of you being alive.
Perception: Make depression your friend. See it as an opportunity. A door that will lead to freedom if you’re ready to take it.
You might have read or heard about people who have found back to an enjoyable life after a tragic accident. Some live now physically paralyzed or have lost their legs. Yet they’ve come to themselves because of it. There was no other choice left than to focus on the essence of them being alive. Over time, they’ve built a connection to themselves again. They’ve found purpose and made it up to enjoying life more than they ever had before. No matter the circumstances. You can get there too!
Accept your depression to represent a tragic accident. The fact that you’re left without energy gives you the opportunity to direct your focus to the essence. You being alive in this moment. Deducting everything around you; The way you lived. Only you, right here, right now. Believe and have trust in yourself, your body; Your presence.
The universe, your body, being part of it, is a perfectly balanced system through which you’re able to navigate life if you let it, if you let yourself.
We all know about the gut feeling, right? We all rely on it. Even companies take their business decisions based on it. No one can predict the future. Relying on statistics is an illusion. It’s gambling, that’s all it is. There’s never a guarantee.
You need to connect again to your gut feeling; To your essence. Making peace with the now, you being depressed, will reveal the door to take.
Mindset: Reconnect to your body and step out of your mind
Stepping out of your mind means to enter a state of “No-mind” as explained by Eckhart Tolle and others. This state of “No-mind” can be trained through meditation, yoga, tai chi and a lot of other techniques. The principle is very easy. It’s like turning down the volume of your thoughts, so that you’re able to perceive and to sense your body and everything around in the present again.
As a first step, I suggest understanding your mind.
My free eBook: "Living Now: 4 Steps to Relieve Stress, Depression, and Anxiety", can help you understand your mental activities, providing examples to distinguish between conscious and unconscious thoughts.
Thinking and thinking are two different processes. Identifying unconscious mind activities will help you separate from negative suggesting thoughts. The more you’re able to separate, the more things will become clearer again.
Environment: Free yourself from all the “musts”
While it can be difficult to make time for you to retreat, this shall be your priority number 1. You need to allow yourself some time where you actually can de-connect from your duties for a while. Talk with friends and family if they can help you. Free yourself from your job if it’s the case. Go to a doctor. Be aware that this is crucial for you to heal. You should free yourself from all “musts”.
Now you might say: “I can’t, I just have too many things I can’t simply stop right now”. Trust me I understand. I was trapped in this “I can’t” world for years. It’s all about change. Obviously, you can’t change something without other things changing around you as well. Every decision has consequences. Find your way with the consequences you’re able to handle. There is a way, and you will find it if you decide to heal.
Sometimes the way to take isn’t the ideal one, yet it’s already much better and favorable compared to the actual one. And it might develop in becoming closer to the ideal as you move on, as things unfold naturally. Remember, it’s a journey. It’s a development. Step by step.
Tell yourself, it’s ok. I am depressed now. Let it be and calm down your mind. Whenever thoughts come along, suggesting that you have still so much to do. Or questioning if this will ever disappear? Direct your focus on your breath, for instance. Consciously breathe in and out.
“Yes, it will go away. Like everything does. There’s no exception to this. You’ve probably been too long in that state that you lost confidence. That’s a new belief you created. Believe in change instead. Change is the only constant in life.”
Your breath is your anchor to the present whenever thoughts take over you. Thoughts come and go and you cannot prevent them from doing so. The less importance you give them, the less dominant they'll be. Let always focus on your breath whenever it happens. Don’t build resistance against your thoughts. They also need to be accepted.
Try to spend as much time as possible in nature. A park or forest. Having a walk or just sitting there and connect to your body while becoming an observer of the present with all of your senses. Experience everything the way it is right now.
Body Scanning is a great technique! And you can do it whenever and wherever you are. Allow yourself to fully connect with your body by feeling into each part and observing the sensations that arise. Focus on your feets, legs, arms, hands, chest, throat, head, fingers, toes…. Notice if it feels tense, relaxed, or you might feel tickling sensations or whatever there is. There’s no goal to achieve here. It’s all about noticing what is right now.
The journey is all about this present moment. For now, you might not see or understand the utility in it. Thoughts like “I am now, I am always now, and I’m always suffering now” stand in between you and the present. Of course, we all are now, but our mind isn’t, although it acts in the now. What happens while our mind is wandering through the past and the future, is that we perceive the now through a distorted lense, veiling the now as it really is.
As you become more conscious, you will notice a significant change in the weight of everything around you; You’ll feel lighter and regain the ability to handle your situation. Ideas, the sense of motivation will slowly rise again. Everything is getting clearer.
You never lost the ability, it only went to sleep mode if that makes sense? Allow yourself to come back to who you are without the psychologic burden you’ve accumulated over the years.
To sum up what we’ve been through together:
Attitude: Accept the state you’re in! Remember to release resistance to what you experience. This is the foundation, the attitude you need to adopt.
Perception: Make depression your friend. See it as an opportunity. Allow depression to become an opportunity. Create space between you in the now and your past.
Mindset: Reconnect to your body and step out of your mind. Get to know your mind and train yourself to calm down unconscious mind activities.
Environment: Free yourself from all the “musts”. As long as you’re busy with all the “must dos” you won’t be able to open up for what matters and the paths you can take to get out of depression.
This is a journey that takes time to flourish. See it in the way that, for the time you have been depressed, it takes some time to separate. Yet do not cling on time and objectives. The now is timeless and doesn’t require ability or achievement. Be patient with yourself and move step by step following your own pace.
Enjoy the moment.
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