Yesterday, I had a conversation with a very close friend of mine who is battling with feelings of self-doubt caused by rejections he has been facing. A period that we all know and have been through multiple times. Having always put 100% in a relation following rejection takes down our self-esteem. Feelings of having failed, not measuring up, or anger become our companions. As we spoke about our ties to certain beliefs and the methods to break them, we discussed anticipation and its power to make us feel good. The poetry is all in the anticipation, for there is none in reality — Mark Twain We’re all doing it. Especially during hard times, we picture how our next holidays will be or how enjoyable it will be when meeting a longtime missed friend. It is absolutely normal since we want to return to a comfortable state in which we feel good, welcomed and accepted. And there’s nothing bad with it unless we remain unconscious about the depth of this process. Anticipation! It occurred to him that his anticipation was more pleasant to him than the experiencing — Patricia Highsmith If you haven’t already, you might want to read “The circle of thoughts and emotions,” our body reacting to whatever we experience, including our thoughts. “How enjoyable something will be” points to the illusion to which we trap ourselves. We create a belief in this moment of thinking that we’re only able to feel better if our wish comes true. Waiting unpatiently for the future to happen. Remaining closed to this present moment. The only time where you can heal and feel better. The only time where life happens. Let go of hopes and wishes for some sort of future salvation. Experience yourself in the present and realize that nothing makes a difference unless you let the difference happen now. If you don’t get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don’t want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can’t hold on to it forever. — Dan Millman Since anticipation is not real, experiencing the reaction of your body only relieves the suffering temporarily. Experiencing bliss in this present moment requires nothing more than becoming conscious about your own existence in the now. Free from expectations and judgements. No, this is not a decision and off you go. It is re-education and takes time. And you can get there while following these simple rules day in and out. Give up being an expert and adopt a beginner’s mind. Face everything with curiosity in this present moment, no matter how often you think you have seen or experienced a situation. Let go of all expectations. No one can tell about the future. Holding onto a self-constructed future prevents you from realizing that bliss finds you here and now. Give up qualifying and judging everything you’re facing. There’s no good and no bad, there are only experiences. Your mind doesn’t need to understand what happened. Whenever you feel stuck, remind yourself about rule 1,2 and 3. When you find yourself getting lost in your thoughts about the past or future, remind yourself that all you'll ever have is this present moment. All that remains from the past is knowledge and every moment is unique. Hence, preserving you from the past repeating itself in the future is a mere fantasy. Enjoy the moment

If you have been practicing mindfulness for a while, you might end up like giving up at some point. All these thoughts seem to overrun you and it feels like they haven't been there before. That, suddenly, things seem to get worse than they have been. Nothing has changed compared to before you started practicing mindfulness. You're still living the same life with the same habits, unless you have changed something. What has changed is your consciousness. Now you realize everything that has always been there unconsciously. And yes, it can be a shocking experience. To me, at least it was. Before pursuing our usual reaction when something feels uncomfortable; Let's have a closer look at it. Unconsciously, you always have been struggling with these thoughts and the emotions they cause. The advantage you gain while being mindful is that now you're in control and no more a slave to your mind. It might feel worse than it was before, but think about the following: While those thoughts and emotions unconsciously dragged you on for hours, days, weeks; Now can let go much faster, creating room for whatever life has on its plate for you next. “People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own souls. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” ― Carl Jung After all, remind yourself that life isn't about 24/7 sunshine, neither will practicing mindfulness get you there. But instead of remaining stuck in unconscious repetitions of your mind, you're freeing yourself up for beautiful moments that otherwise would stay in front of a closed door. Train yourself in accepting and let go of everything no matter the judgement. Positive experiences: Enjoy them, the way you always did, and when it's time to go, let them. Stay open for what's next. Negative experiences: Accept even if you're not in agreement. Let them be, live them through and let them go when the time has come. Stay open for what's next. Allow yourself to indulge in a colorful life full of experiences. Enjoy the moment.

We often pass by being mindful of our capacity. This happens because we either aren’t patient enough, or we just have too many priorities on top of our list. Usually, it also turns out that those top priorities aren’t for ourselves, but for others. After all, have we not been taught that it is wrong to be selfish? Self-care is never a selfish act. It is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have. The gift I was put on earth to offer to others. — Parker Palmer Self-care includes setting boundaries. Knowing what and when things getting too much for you to handle is crucial for yourself and for others you wish to support. If you’re down, then how do you want to be available to someone else? The same way humanity has learned from nature to construct an aircraft, we also can gain knowledge from a river on how to live our lives. While there are many things we can learn from it, one of the most important lessons a river teaches us is to be flexible but staying within the riverbed. When a river overflows, chaos and destruction happen. The same happens whenever we don’t respect our own riverbed. There are moments when we become bogged down by the objectives that we have set to ourselves but which remain unfulfilled. Things feel pointless and we just want to let fall off everything. First sign we encounter when things getting too much is feeling overwhelmed. We lose the overview of everything on our plate. A chain-reaction of emotions settles in, starting with being unsatisfied with ourselves, becoming restless, feeling worthless, losing control, perhaps ending up in a panic attack in the worse case. There’s no reason to be submitted to these emotions. Nothing that happened gives reason to believe that you are of no value. It only was you ceasing to follow the course of your riverbed and it caused a flood. It happens. But you can step out of it quite fast. When you realize that feeling of being overwhelmed, take a step back and write down everything on your plate. If you have it already somewhere, just take it and look at it. Assess your tasks once more. But before doing so, it is important you introduce a “Me time” task right now. Since you’re already overwhelmed, your assessment won’t go easy. “Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” — Anne Lamott Become mindful about the flood in you. Go for a walk or have a cup of tea, whatever you define to be a quality time with yourself. Direct your attention to your breath and reconnect to the here and now, since that is the only place where you can find yourself again. Only once you feel how the pressure within you has released, sit down with your tasks and start reassessing them. Ask yourself questions like: Is this really necessary? Do I really want to do this? Does it help me or someone else? Can I postpone this? Refine your list following your values and the necessity or urgency of it. But make sure that these are inline with your values. Saying “No” to someone doesn’t put you off-field. You still can make time for it when you have it. Perhaps all of your tasks are relevant and inline with your values and you just need to set achievable goals to get there. Michelle from "Beyond little thoughts", wrote a nice article on how to set achievable targets following a technique named “S.M.A.R.T. Goals”. Read more about it here: Setting goals for my health part one. I’m using it now as well, since I’m a master of taking way too much on my shoulders :) Beside the fact that we feel like failure, it allows us to indulge in the moment and the opportunity to connect to our true-self. Because we naturally let fall off resistance, and that’s what hinders us from staying connected. Enjoy the moment.

What if I tell you, sadness can become enjoyable? How could this possibly be? It will take some time to practice allowing all of your emotions to be while giving up resistance to whatever emotion comes along. To no more differentiate between welcoming and unwelcoming emotions. I’m sharing this recent experience I made, since I know how pointless sometimes it feels when someone tells us: Let go. Accept you’re being sad right now. Lean into it, and so forth. These words make little sense at that moment, since we don't know how to put them to use. Hopefully, it gives you an idea of which direction you should aim for when finding your own way of developing acceptance. A couple of days ago, I watched a movie named “A beautiful life”. The story contained so many indirect, hidden parallels to my life, especially regarding the father-daughter relationship, that made me cry uncontrollably. That moment when a wave of sadness overran me, suddenly shifted to a moment of joy. Most of us have two lives. The life we live, and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands resistance. ― Steven Pressfield I’ve started Tai Chi as an alternative to Yoga because of my back problems. And I fell in love right away. Connecting with the ground and moving with the flow, loosening any tension and noticing each part of your body and their role in the move. Since February, I have been practicing accepting, not agreeing, with what happens each day, and the progress has been remarkable. “Negative” emotions couldn’t drag me on forever as they did before. Until now, I could let go of resistance with my mind. Tai Chi helped me to get into the feel of releasing resistance against everything, even if it feels uncomfortable. And I only had 5 lessons so far! This underlines again the time needed for the practice to flourish. We understand a lot with our mind and we think we know, but that doesn’t mean we have a feel for it. A feeling needs to develop and only then comes the “Aha!” understanding. That’s when you know you made the experience. No difference when dealing with emotions. You also need to develop a feeling for it. While I felt sadness and tears rising, I’ve let them come with no second of resistance. The feel of guiltiness because of not having been mentally present enough for my daughter when she grew up just overwhelmed me. The feel of having failed as a father. Like a growing knot rising in your stomach and moving to your chest, getting bigger and bigger. I took some deep breaths to create space for the knot to grow… to be welcomed. I’ve let out all my tears and sorrow, knowing this was the way it was and the only thing I could do when I figured it out was to talk honestly with my daughter about it; which I did. Leaning into the feel, giving space to it, suddenly the knot resolved as quickly as it’s risen, followed by a moment of bliss. Not agreeing with how it went, but accepting how it was. Painful tears have transformed into tears of joy. I paused the movie, sat there, and allowed myself to indulge in this moment. Thankful for the experience, for being alive, for the ability of being at peace with myself, my past. Think about a river. Water will never try to flow through a rock in its way. It expands and breaks through the rock's resistance while making space for it. Naturally flowing around it and rejoining afterwards. Enjoy the moment

We used to live in the present moment right after our birth, naturally, since we had no clue of what life is about. Everything we faced for the first time was magic. Everything was a wonder. We had no past or concrete wishes for the future. We lived now in every moment. Perhaps you noticed already that living in this present moment allows you to release all the burdens you carry along. You may practice meditation, yoga or any other method to still the mind, and yet it happens you’re giving up when you’re not able to get into it. Our natural state is to live in the present, but it needs to be cultivated by reeducating our minds and letting go of the belief that success defines the worth of our actions and ourselves. This deeply held conviction stops us from letting go and embracing the present. Mindful and creative, a child who has neither a past, nor examples to follow, nor value judgments, simply lives, speaks, and plays in freedom. – Arnaud Desjardins As we grew up, we learned satisfaction comes through achievement, and thus, we’re constantly seeking to attain a goal in whatever we’re doing. Passing by the wonders of life. Our biggest mistake we do when focusing on being present is, we unconsciously have expectations towards our action. Experiencing the now like we did when we were a child requires the let go of every expectation we have at this moment. I know this is easier said than done. Let's start with realizing it. Allow yourself time to develop the feeling for it, just like you do for anything else that needs practicing. Think about a sport requiring balance capabilities. The process is quite mechanical until you develop a feel for the movement, ultimately lets you immerse into the flow. Be happy in the moment. That is enough. – Mother Teresa Whenever you practice living now. Being it through concrete meditation, Yoga, Tai Chi, or just while sitting there and observing your surroundings. Remember that there’s nothing to achieve, there’s just to experience whatever is. Enjoy the moment.

This is my first post in the new category named Discoveries, wherein I’ll write about experiences I came across. Places, people and things that inspired me and hopefully, I can pass that same feeling on to you. “Beyond little thoughts” was the first blog I came across just after having launched benow.life. It was the name itself that caught my attention, probably because living in this present moment happens beyond thoughts. Curious about the treasures such a name could conceal, I read the first post I’ve chosen about Self-Care Motivation. I had a lot of trouble with staying motivated in the past, so this felt like a perfect start, especially since I recently released my blog, a heart thing; I was scared I could get sucked back into the lack of motivation cycle again whenever things would become too much to handle. And it turned out to be the perfect read. The part explaining the functioning of the human brain was the main point I took away from it. It reminded me that any change can’t be a race, since it takes time to internalize for the new pathways to take over the old ones. Only focus on every next step with passion, and it will become a breeze. After reading a couple more articles, I felt Michelle’s content was an excellent addition to what I’m writing. It allows readers to have different perspectives on the same topic. Our brain loves this, and it helps us to understand and process information more easily. When I came across Magic Is, it perplexed me at first. How is magic coming into play? I immediately got the point when reading. I wouldn’t have had the idea to pack it into “Magic”, but she nailed it doing so. Life is magic! Everything we’re doing, creating and inventing, is magic. We just lost sense of it as we grew up. In order to experience the now, you need to free yourself from everything you learned. Get rid of the experts in your head. Mr. and Mrs. know it all. Then experience the world just like a newborn would do. Everything around is wonderful, is magic. “Magic is saying thank-you to old items before discarding them.” I love this one! And will definitely think about it next time when separating from old stuff. << That we don’t need anyway. Thanks Michelle :) Magic is believing in yourself. If you can do that, you can make anything happen. — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe We shall all let magic get back into our lives. Letting go of our so beloved experts of everything. We were always striving to gain knowledge and with it; We closed ourselves from everything around us, unable to appreciate all the little things because we already know. This won’t be the last time you read about beyond little thoughts on my blog. I found we look in different ways at the same things. And yes, this is magic as well :) Enjoy the moment

The more I come to complete a project, the more I fear it to fail. How self-identification with our doing refrains us from progressing and makes the let go process more difficult. It has become quiet last week on my blog, and it might stay for a bit longer. Reason is that I invest more time in preparing my upcoming eBook, and since I don't want to put pressure on myself, I need to set priorities. Something I learned the hard way. So far, so good. I'm progressing. This post, however, is not about priorities but the pressure itself. An experience I'm going through again right now with the launch of my first eBook. The closer I come to the launch date, the more I sense pressure within me. At first I couldn't explain it to myself, since I reduced other tasks to make it fit without investing more time. Yesterday I realized it has nothing to do with the time invested, but how important it is to me and how my work will be perceived out there. Now everyone would tell that this is normal, and yes, it is a normal reaction. Of course, I write this eBook for a purpose which I care about. I don't want it to fail, but to be appreciated by the audience. Hence, I can't be indifferent to it, and I don't think I have to. But sensing deeper into it; Why does this pressure turn into a barrier provoking procrastination or even giving up on it? We can interpret pressure as stress, something negative, but also as excitement towards something, which will make it more positive to us. Is perception the root of it? If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. - Wayne Dyer This definitely is true. Yet I still think that's only one part of the answer. When I go through my memories, every time I had a big launch. e.g.: publishing a new song, going on stage, delivering an important project, the list goes on and on. It has submitted me to enormous stress, and required a relatively long period to recover. Me, who had a lot to struggle with not being good enough, I know that this is fear. Fear of failure and judgement. What if I would stop this project now? Would it change anything to me as a being? What if I do it, or do something totally different? Would that change anything to me? What if the project fails? Would that change anything to me? Or what if it becomes a success? Would that change anything to me as a being, right here, right now? While asking these questions, the first thing to note is, I'm no more present. But busy worrying for a future that no one can tell. Remaining present definitely removes the worries. Yet still... Trying to understand what it takes to become exposed to such fear or worries. Questioning myself, I figured out, it's identifying with what I'm doing. If what I do fails, or gets criticized in a negative way, I will fail and be criticized. A threat to me as a person. Either I choose to continue worrying about something out of my control. Or I do and live right now. Being conscious that what I do is not who I am. It's something I do that surely will reflect my values, but it won't alter me as a being. This said, changing perception only, wouldn't work. That would be the same thing as taking medication to treat the symptoms, leaving aside the root causes. Realizing whatever I do changes nothing to me as a being here and now. As a result, worries won't be fed anymore since it's no more perceived as a threat. Not to say we shouldn't care about what we do. The contrary is the case. By not worrying about failing or judgment later on, I'm able to care more in the present. Enjoy the moment

When it comes to change, most of us are having hard times daring to do that little step into the unknown. Staying as we are with the things we know, feels way more comfortable than changing something for ... ... what? The better? Who knows, right? The uncertainty about an eventual terrible outcome refrains us from doing, even if we know that the current situation doesn't please us at all. “Nothing on this earth is standing still. It is either growing or it is dying. No matter if it’s a tree or a human being.” ― Lou Holtz Birth -> growth / change -> death. This is a cosmic rule that no-one can change for as much as we would love to; Sometimes. Imagine everything would remain the same through and through. The beauty we would miss out on watching trees changing colors as the seasons pass! “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” ― Henry Ford Recently, I met someone on the beach who organizes dinner rallies around the island. While small-talking, he told me a story that reminded me how staying in our comfort zone can mean missing out on beautiful experiences. He said it isn't always easy to find interested people for the rallies, since most are coming every year to the island. They go to the same hotels and visit the same restaurants, since over time, they became friends. True, I thought; While I realized I behave likewise most of the time. “You do not just wake up and become the butterfly. Growth is a process.” ― Rupi Kaur Of course, not everything happening or undertaking is beautiful or the way we wish it to become right from the beginning. The metamorphosis a caterpillar goes through to end up as a butterfly is a beautiful parable. Every step in it counts. Without them, there would be no butterfly. Yes, it can feel cumbersome whenever we think about changing something we don't agree with anymore and wish for the better. The problem is that we focus too much on everything that goes with the change. At the end, it becomes an unpassable obstacle and we give up before we even start. Step by step. Thinking about it, it doesn't take much to introduce a change in our life. I remember during my depressive period how beneficial it was by simply choosing a different road to drive to the office than the one I usually took. "Be daring, be different, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers..."― Cecil Beaton Only 3 months ago, I couldn't imagine embarking on the journey I'm currently on. And now, I'm in the middle of it. I had been working in the information technology industry, unhappy for years, purposeless. Never changed it, since I didn't know what else to do. Going against my own beliefs with how I lived my life, I knew I had to change. Thanks to depression and how the "now" keeps me out of it, I finally found purpose again through helping others while sharing my experiences. From a project manager to a what? Life-coach? Really? With no skills and no background in this area, except of 42 years' worth of life experiences. How shall I get there? The idea of talking to people, whether it's in person or through a recording, made me petrified. Unimaginable back then. “Chew off a little every day, because it’s hard to swallow a whole pie at once.”― Richelle E. Goodrich Of course, if we have an idea, we visualize how the result "should" look like following our own "ideal". This self-created ideal is something that everyone could achieve but ourselves. So, yes, step by step. Before talking to someone, it's easier to write; I thought. Here we go. I had my first step. I can't tell how much my life has changed for good since I dared going that way and to start benow.life! Compassion in what I'm doing is something I haven't felt since I've started software development 22 years ago. Its bliss being able to observe myself growing with every new post I write. Growing... ...something I haven't felt for years. Sensing compassion, self-confidence, motivation, and purpose while writing. I... ... who hated writing. Embrace change. It's the only way to grow. Everything you ever wanted is on the other side of fear. Dare... ... step by step, but dare.

What I took away beside having fun at archery was a deeper understanding of the process of what it takes to let go. Archery is said to have a positive effect on physical and mental illnesses or complaints and to accelerate their healing. I knew that it is used for therapeutic purposes, but I never had the opportunity to experience it. A couple of days ago, I took a break from writing and visited Parko Toxovolias Artemis, an archery park in the beautiful mountains above Παλαιοχώρα (Palaiochora) near a small mountain village Άνυδροι (Anidri) in Crete. A beautiful small serpentine road, coming from Palaiochora towards Anidri, wriggling through a wonderful gorge all the way up to the archery park in the wild mountains, southeast of Crete. Immediately, while arriving on-site, I could sense the authenticity. Contrary to what one would expect when going to an archery park on an island that relies on tourism; Leaving an impression as if it would have emerged naturally from its environment, sensing the calmness and energy this space offers, far beyond from being a simple sport or entertaining activity. Kirsten and Susanne, have made a little nature-mindful paradise for archery enthusiasts since their arrival on the island in 2019. A paradise in which you learn much more than just mastering archery. “Don't think of what you have to do, don't consider how to carry it out!" he exclaimed. "The shot will only go smoothly when it takes the archer himself by surprise.” ― Eugen Herrigel, Zen in the Art of Archery After a brief introduction about the equipment, I asked Kirsten: "How shall I aim?" "Not at all!" She said, "Or do you aim when guiding the fork to your mouth when eating?" It made me laugh right away. As a musician, I know how important it is to lean into your playing, leaving your mind aside. No reason to be different here, I thought. After several shots on the shooting range, I was ready to embark to the course extending over approximately 1km with 20 stations. Since my objective was not only to experience archery, but beyond that, experiencing myself, I paid careful attention to my posture, mindset, breath and emotions as I progressed through the course. Once I was done, I sat down with Kirsten under a carob tree next to the shooting range to discuss my observations. I explained to her how I noticed my shots went much smoother when holding my breath after exhaling than vice versa. She confirmed. While we hold on our breath after inhaling, our body has to hold tension and thus, cannot be free and works against the process. I asked why some arrows fly straight compared to others. Although the direction doesn't differ much, some fly visibly "more stable", others requiring much more time to stabilize. Kirsten explained, sometimes we do not let go properly on the line, whereas sometimes we do. She observed that my hand sometimes subtle moved forward when releasing the line, as if I would try to push the arrow further. It surprised me since I haven't noticed it at all. She explained further that one can observe if someone is having difficulties to let-go in life. Before you can let go off something, you first need to have it. Commonly, people struggling to let go, require the feel of holding something. Archery comes in very handy here, since although we have to let go the line with one hand, the other hand keeps on holiding the bow and won't release it. This comforts and gives a level of security. Executing a shot holds all the elements to the process. First you accept the situation, the target you want to shoot on. Easy or difficult (Bad or Good), it doesn't matter. You don't turn away from it, you face it. Take position and preparing yourself, placing the arrow onto the bow. You lean into it. Making the situation your own. Breathing in while raising the bow, aiming to the target. Breathing out while you pull the line towards you. Letting your self merge into it. Feeling your hand holding the line next to your cheek. Releasing your fingers holding the line, without hesitating, a smooth opening and releasing of what you held. Let the arrow find its path to the target, free from control and refraining hesitation. Susanne nailed it perfectly while referring to the 3 "lets". Accept (let it be), Live it through (let yourself into it, make it your own) so that finally you'll be able to let it go. Next time whenever I feel resistance to whatever comes along in my life, I will think about archery. I had a wonderful day spending my time with nice people, enriching and pleasant talks, fun with archery, and deepened my understanding of the process of let go. If you ever come to visit Crete. This is something you definitely should consider on your to do list. There's much more to take away. To me the above was the most dominant probably since I'm letting go of so much right now. Enjoy the moment

Photo by Jordan Benton Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we can’t relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we don’t know if there is one. — George Harrison Time is something unconsciously happening to us. Every moment we live, piles up and builds our past. Moments we cannot relive anymore. Moments to which we can think about, how it was, how we felt, what we saw, what we smelled, what we heard. When we read that, past and future do not exist. Our mind gets confused because we simply having hard times to understand that “exist” means it currently exists right now. Something that exists, per definition, only can be in this moment. The past is full of present moments that have passed, and since we cannot relive them. They don’t exist anymore. Only our mind can recall them. Same applies to the future. The future didn’t happen yet, and we don’t even know if there is one for us. Only our mind can “think” about it. And since we don’t know if we have a future. Our mind builds one for us. Planning future activities, of course, is necessary. But consciously accepting that it might come differently. Who knows? Also, realizing the unwanted thoughts hindering us from moving is the key to understanding and to live right now. Such thoughts typically contain worries from fear of passed moments. Therefore, past and future cannot exist right now. Leaning into it, I have chosen consciously “cannot”, since our mind has to give them existence. Experiencing this moment is about training our mind to let space for the now. Our mind will not stop. But as we getting aware, we notice those thoughts faster, and can let them go faster. The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot. — Michael Altshuler Living in this present moment is nothing more than becoming conscious about it. Being aware that the only time that “exists” is now. All the good and bad things only can happen right now. So let experience fully whatever comes along while being present. Something bad might happen, yes. But: Whatever it is, we will not change the happening. We can resist or live it through and let go. Likewise, as emotions: If we protect us from possible bad things / feelings. We’ll protect us from the good things / feelings as well. We cannot selectively ignore. It’s all or none. Life is happening now and always will. Life will never happen in the past or the future. You’re in control of how you pilot “time”. Who controls the past, controls the future: who controls the present controls the past. — George Orwell, 1984 While being conscious and present in this moment. Your moments piling up in your memories, your past, will become richer in all senses of the meaning. You’re in control if you want to experience life itself, or a fiction of your mind. Enjoy the moment.

I remember when I read Dan Millman's book "Peaceful Warrior". Dan, who finally achieved a challenge given to him by Socrates, was astonished at his indifferency. He expected to be praised, for that he did well. Of course, how could it be different since we're all raised with praise and blame for what we're doing? Either we're doing well or not. Right from the beginning, we're constantly judged for how we are, what we do, what we say, and how we behave. Not only are we judged and manipulated with praise and blame by others, but also and especially by ourselves. As a parent, I want my daughter to feel good. Obviously, because I love her. So whenever she did something great, perceived by me as a judge; I praised her. I let her know that she's the greatest person on earth. That she did well and that I'm proud of her. But what are the consequences of this pattern? We're always striving for recognition for what we do, what we say, and how we behave, to feel valuable. To achieve this, we also twist ourselves to other's liking. Ask your self, if there was to be no blame, and if there was to be no praise. Who would I be then? - Quentin Crisp Good question! I think it's worth having a closer look at it. Who would I be without praise and blame in my life? How would I feel? Not good, nor bad? Would I be or feel indifferent? I think this is something hard to write or discuss with the words at our disposal. If something isn't good or bad, it's indifferent, right? It's neither the one, nor the other. But indifferent, to me at least, feels more negative than positive. Assuming that there is no judgement. Assuming that, if we could let go totally of judgement, removing praise and blame, what would remain? Life would remain. Life, the way it is. Something has been done, something has happened, the way it did. It is what it is. Free from judgement. The more I think about it, the more it comforts me. Free from judgement. That must be heaven. Enjoy the moment :)

In our daily life, we easily forget the essence of life. Our mind is constantly busy solving problems and planning activities. Having a job, being a responsible parent, taking care of friendships, all these are activities our mind is busy with day in and out. Not saying it's a bad thing. It's necessary. But with our mind being constantly busy, our body reacts and makes us feel overwhelmed down to getting sick if we don't notice the signs and take regular breaks. Of course we're trying to go on holidays and taking time off whenever we can afford it. But I bet you know the feeling when you're back into your day 2 day life. After a couple of days, you feel as if holidays never happened. Surely, our society doesn't allow enough time off in most of the cases. I mean, what are 24 days a year? Or even 30 if you're lucky. Ok, but that's something we cannot control at the source. We can decide on changing our life, profession into something that suits more our needs. This is up to everyone to decide whatever is best for him or her. There is something, however, everyone can do to have an immediate impact on his or her wellbeing. And that's becoming conscious that the essence of life is "Being", not "Doing". Doing shall be something we execute while we "are". But this only can be if we sense we "are". With all the examples above, we're all time busy with "doing" something. And yes, we have to for most of it. That's not the problem. But we easily lose awareness that we "are", while we're doing something, and that we still will "be" if we stop doing. I always was restless, even when I tried to relax. My mind was always looking for things to do. So I did meditation to calm down my mind. But even here, I was "doing" meditation. I forced myself to sit down and to calm down my mind while focusing on my breath. Not saying you should not meditate. It's a great tool to train yourself to become conscious and keep your focus on what's here and now. Just to say that sometimes, we're "doing" even the things we think we do to be present, like meditation. Since the age of TV and cinema, people trying to distract from the busy mind watching movies. Nowadays with the internet and social medias, there is even more distraction available. It surely is enjoyable and there's nothing bad with it if you're aware and if you're using it consciously. But that's rarely the case. All these distractions not only distract us from our busy mind but also from the essence of life. Which is "being". Now what is "being". How shall we be while "being". Our mind will have a hard time to understand, since there's nothing to do :) But let's practice it. All it takes is to think about "being" whenever you feel overwhelmed. Take some time, ideally sit down somewhere outside and just do nothing. Notice your being with all of your senses. Listen, Smell, Hear, Feel and See whatever is within and around you. If you notice thoughts coming in. Let them be as well! Trying to ignore them or to push them away would be "doing" :) Instead, observe them. Be aware of the thoughts coming in and go. Sit there and just be present with all of your senses for as long as you wish. If you feel the urge to "do" something. Like standing up and move. Then do. Do not force yourself "being". Because that would be "doing" anyway. On top you'd feel frustration since you failed doing nothing. Just repeat this whenever you feel overwhelmed. Repeating it while you feel great will even be more effective, since you'd be open to "being" and you get much easier into it. Enjoy the moment